Any Opponauts do the Peace Corps?

"Sinanigans" (Sinanigans) 01/16/2014 at 22:29 • Filed to: None

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An RSTI for your troubles.... and the coming shitstorm...

I'm at a funny place in my life. I'm approaching 30, very unhappy with my job and career advancement, and I feel stuck. I've been looking for another gig for a very long time, and I've had no luck. I've been dying to travel for a long time now and live abroad but have yet to do so. I'm on the cusp of getting engaged but the stress and lack of stability from my current job has put serious stress on my relationship. I've never lived away from home because I commuted in college, and stuck around after while working- so I don't feel like I've developed fully as my own person. I've never had a real adventure to shape me.

This is all a terrible realization to have at this stage in my life. I should be on top of the world, married, or close to it, and these are supposed to be the best years of my career. I look back at my 20's and I can honestly say it was a lost decade. I worked hard but in hindsight, I've gotten nowhere. I finished school in 2006, got a job right away (at Bear Stearns) left after a year to do my Master's (times were different and it was easy to do at the time), watched Bear Stearns collapse only a couple of months before finishing my Master's in 2008. After my Master's, its been a scramble to try and get a new job. I scored a few jobs in between and in 2011 started working at my current job. I'm getting fleeced by my current employer now but I have yet to secure something else, despite looking like crazy for a new job. I'm even trying to get another job outside finance, but nothing yet. I'm an analyst and trader working for a brokerage firm servicing institutional clients. However, I was hired as an "intern" (a fucked up way of the company saying we're going to pay you a fraction of what we ought to pay you). I work long hours, get treated like shit, and get paid worse. To anyone saying that I need to put my time in the industry, you should know that I have worked in the industry before, and I've put my time in.

I've grown incredibly complacent- I'm very uncomfortable, yet not uncomfortable enough for a drastic change. To make matters worse, I may lose the love of my life soon, because I'm not settled as I ought to be. Despite how we feel about each other, the stress of all this has started to put major cracks in our relationship. We want to get married, but I'm not in the position to support a household. After the conversation I just had with my girl, it seems like it might be the end of the line for us.

I'm at a crossroads. Part of me wants to persevere and keep wanting to settle, get married, and go on with my life. But if my past is any indication of that, then that may not be the case. The other part of me wants to escape this vicious cycle that I'm in and find some sort of adventure. I know I need to get out of here to do that. I would like to go to Morocco and either teach, or join the Peace Corps. I feel like its a huge detour and a step away from my career but I've been in the my own personal Ninth Circle of Hell for so long, that I'm no longer a human being.

I sort of wish I could have done the French Foreign Legion (I romanticize the idea of restarting one's life though the Legion) - but at this stage in my life, its too late. I tried to talk my girl into doing something like the Peace Corps with me, but she herself has gotten comfortable at a job she dislikes (she's a teacher).

Now that I've either bored you to death, or depressed you into slitting your wrists, I'm curious to know what you would do if you were in my shoes.

Here are some more pics of this RSTI that I really liked.

 V8 Rustler > Sinanigans 01/16/2014 at 22:42

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TL;DR. Early airbag equipped steering wheels are hideous.

Sinanigans >  V8 Rustler 01/16/2014 at 22:48

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Agreed

Matt Brown > Sinanigans 01/16/2014 at 23:13

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The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. But it is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things. - Thoreau

Life is too short to be miserable, and taking some drastic action may not solve all your problems but it will certainly add some excitement and adventure to your life. Quiet desperation is no way to live.

B1n > Sinanigans 01/16/2014 at 23:21

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You're a selfish, immature, dipshite.

Welcome to your 30s. In your 30s you'll figure out what matters, who matters to you - and more importantly - who you matter to, and be able to assess where you are, if you're lucky and smart.

In your 20s you were a spastic, hormone engulfed, self aggrandized idiot. When you finally realize this, you'll probably be coming up on 40 (if you're lucky).

As you've proven to yourself already that you're not a 0.01%-er, you need to focus for once and build on your successes. Got a good girl, and you're sure you're like girls, then marry her; otherwise, call it off. But, jumping from girl-to-girl is going to bring no happiness and set you up for well earned loneliness as your age-group all go off and get married themselves, and experience the adventure of married life.
You're employed. You want to throw that away because they're stiffing you, sob sob. Guess what, all working stiffs are always getting stiffed by The Company, no matter the job. You'd rather have no money and no job? Since you're so full of yourself, you don't even consider the fact that there are new graduates who are preparing to unseat you from the job you claim you worked hard to get and maintain. Oh, I'm sure they aren't as capable as you, and won't displace you if you leave the market for a few years. Yea, right.

I don't feel like giving you any more advice because you haven't earned it; not in the least by showing pictures of fantasy cars that are a distraction from buckling down, dedicating yourself to your customers who pay you their money to keep you alive, and provide no love (the cars) - especially compared to a real human woman, assuming you like women.

Love, your future self.

Orange Exige > B1n 01/16/2014 at 23:40

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You sound like a asshole.

The dude didn't come here to get disparaged and called a selfish, immature dipshit.
Why don't you respect other people and realize that not every single human being is the same and has to lead the same exact life.

Yeah, we get it, life's hard and there's lots of people in worse situations. That's not much useful advice - especially when you're being a complete jerk about it.

It's almost considerate, seeing how much you wrote in response and your opening actually sounded nice and reasonable but there was absolutely no need for the following condescending rant.

B1n > Orange Exige 01/16/2014 at 23:46

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Screw you, I'm the nicest person you're ever met.

I'm the nicest because I'm the first person that isn't lying to you. Too bad if you can't take the medicine, but some day you will. Hopefully it won't be too late.

Orange Exige > B1n 01/16/2014 at 23:59

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You're the nicest, really?

Calling people online dipshits and telling them to screw themselves?

You're really not helping with the first impression thing. Nobody's calling you names here and you come in here sounding like an angry pessimist.

Keep that shit to yourself. It really does not help anybody.
Like I said, we all know that there's a lot of terrible things in the world. Doesn't mean there's any fewer good things in the world. If you want to focus on the terrible, so be it - that's your own prerogative. Nobody else wants to hear it.

Alex Murel > Sinanigans 01/17/2014 at 00:16

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I say jump for it. But fair warning, I'm a 20 year old with no family ties to speak of who already jumped into the unknown when choosing a school 1500 miles away from "home".

Leadbull > B1n 01/17/2014 at 00:22

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Click this link and familiarize yourself with the first two rules.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

B1n > Orange Exige 01/17/2014 at 00:26

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Again, screw you.

The OP doesn't want to be coddled. He wants to see life with open eyes. If you think the truth blinds him, then you underestimate him.

I have learned, by being wrong a lot, that the average person is much more capable than they are given credit for.

You think they need to be coddled, and to that I say, screw you.

B1n > Leadbull 01/17/2014 at 00:30

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If you want to own your life, then don't be a pussy. Own it.

If you think I'm a dick, then I know you're a pussy.

B1n > Alex Murel 01/17/2014 at 00:36

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Never take life changing advice from someone who has not experienced life yet! OMG!

Leadbull > B1n 01/17/2014 at 00:38

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Orange Exige > B1n 01/17/2014 at 00:57

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Nobody is coddling anybody.

Just because you've fucked up and are pissed off about it - or whatever reason you're so pissy - doesn't mean you have to come in here like your the wise grandmaster who knows what's right for everybody and what's right for everybody is to accept their life in its current state regardless of what they think about it because the world is a shitty place. The world is a shitty place because people like you apparently need to preach the gospel of shit and put people down unnecessarily.

Orange Exige > Sinanigans 01/17/2014 at 01:29

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Damn that's a nice Subie!

Here's my best attempt at advice:
Don't accept what you have if you don't want it. If life gives you lemons and you're allergic - get a damn refund or at least exchange those suckers!
At the same time, think about what you have and what you love...
It sounds like you have a girl you love and if the marriage thing is mutual, then think about it for a second. Ignore the stress for a second and think about being in it ("it" being life) together - work as a team cooperatively and figure out how to best accomplish both your goals. If need be, maybe try a couple's counselor to help you guys figure it all out - there's no shame in that. I really just don't think you should squander your relationship like that. If it's like it sounds, then this relationship should be be included in you and your girl's goals and you should recognize that.

If you're stuck and physical relocation is part of your solution, figure out together what can be done to make this solution suitable for both of you. Maybe it requires some out-of-the-box thinking - if so, look close (friends, family, again maybe even a counselor) for ideas and don't let stress limit you or send you places you don't want to go, physically and emotionally. Look more into the Peace Corps and see if there are options that could suit both of you. I know it seems like you have, but at the same time you are saying your girl is comfortable where she's at but dislikes it - kinda contradictory. Perhaps there are options outside the Peace Corps that would better suit her - and maybe even you.

As for the Peace Corps part specifically - I have zero experience or knowledge unfortunately. One of my past math professors (who has a fantastic beard) told us that he started out teaching in the Peace Corps when he was younger and was pretty happy with it. It definitely seems like an experience unlike most anything else.

Listen, maybe this 20 year old dude on #oppo doesn't know everything about relationships and can't give much specific advice regarding them (or the Peace Corps), and maybe he's trying to help because he knows how important they are, wants one himself, and knows that he'd want the same boost given to him in a similar situation, but ultimately all I can say is that you should do what you think is right.

Good luck.

Burrito de EJ25 > B1n 01/17/2014 at 01:58

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"I'm not an asshole, I'm just honest."

No, you're an asshole.

desertdog5051 > Sinanigans 01/17/2014 at 06:06

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ZZZZZ...ZZZZZ.....ZZZZZ. Huh, you talking to me? What was the question again?

Sinanigans > B1n 01/17/2014 at 06:39

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I'm sorry, what were you saying about self aggrandisement? Well, first things first I have no idea where you got the idea that I jump from girl to girl. It's not a matter of giving up on the relationship that I'm in- but rather my place in life is not proving to be conducive to being able to settle down and support a household. I'm saying that the pressures of this fact have taken a heavy toll on my relationship. And I fear that things may fall apart beyond repair. It's something still happening in the industry. One of our brokers raised $2m for a hedge fund in 2009-10 at the height of the financial crisis and got paid nothing.

As for my job. I no longer consider myself lucky to get conned by my employer. The business I've generated is not translating to fair compensation. So much so that my employer is practicing illegal compensation techniques. I've worked since I was 14 and have always had a job. It's not a matter of sloth or not having earned anything. I've worked for a long time and used to help around with the finances at home when times were lean.

I understand that writing something like this on the internet will not always generate positive responses. And I know that the internet is a giant wall in which diarrhea of the mouth is posted and commented on. But I would hope that a small sense of decency and even a modicum of respect go a long way. Not asking for sympathy, I was wondering what fellow Opponauts would do if they were in my shoes.

Sinanigans > Orange Exige 01/17/2014 at 08:41

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I'm getting close to the "I've got nothing to lose" state of mind. My girl is an amazing girl, and I see her as my companion in life. But its getting really tough. She is a well paid teacher, but does not want to pursue teaching as a career for the rest of her life. She's gotten comfortable getting paid her salary, but doesn't see it as her life path.

I suggested to her that she leave with me to join the Peace Corps or teach English in another country. I know that the travel will open up our eyes and give us a new look on life. But she's too afraid to make that jump. If I don't soon secure a job that pays adequately enough to get married and start a household, then that will be the end of us.

Sinanigans > Alex Murel 01/17/2014 at 08:43

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The biggest mistake I ever made was not leaving home for college, and after. If I could go back 10 years, that would have been the thing I push the hardest for.

Alex Murel > B1n 01/17/2014 at 11:41

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I think you need to redefine how you decide who has, or has not, experienced life.

Orange Exige > Sinanigans 01/17/2014 at 13:08

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Don't think so negatively - keep your head up because you have something good that's worth fighting for. You do have something to lose.

If you're unhappy and she's unhappy (though financially well-off), find a way to turn this around. Sit down together and throw ideas out and gauge how they suit both of you.

Is it that she wants to settle down and you don't? If this is the case, I still think there's are ways to go about managing it and really, third-party mediation is not a bad idea - it'd be a worse idea to let your stress influence rash decisions than to get some professional advice and really uncover what you two actually want with your lives.
Obviously money is important, but it's also important to not be dissatisfied with your lives. And if both of you are at that point - even if your girl is in denial or otherwise afraid to take different risks that could help both of you - then it is worth trying something different. Importantly though, particularly to soothe her and help convince her, try your best to minimize risk - whether it be living frugally, planning rationally ahead of time, research, or all of the above. And include her in your planning and decisions and find out exactly what it is she is afraid of so you can minimize that - the potential lack of financial stability, a new location, a new job, etc. Again, a counselor/psychologist might not be a bad way to help figure these out together.

B1n > Sinanigans 01/18/2014 at 02:09

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What I see, is that you, and your fellow OPPOs don't know what you have. So much so, that you're fantasizing about throwing it away. I can tell you from significant experience that those thoughts, while natural at this time, are self destructive.

I know a couple people that had the Peace Corps experience, and from what I remember, it didn't sound like anything more than a painful detour from the normal course of life.

I did things differently. I lived overseas twice, once in a war zone, and also spent significant time at sea (some quite dangerous). It was a mistake.

The time tested "plan" for life is the winning option. Everything else is a detour...

I knew one guy, Erik. He needed to leave his country and see the world. He had a little money (a couple of thousand). He went to Africa. He met people that had nothing. They had nothing, but were happy. Very happy. Those people invited him to stay with them, and shared what they had. He said it was beautiful. They were the most beautiful people he has ever met. And they were living on the edge every day. I think this was in Ethiopia.

These people were not affected by the fake drama the West is awash in. These people understood life. These people loved each other, in a real sense.

Erik's country is a war zone, and may never know security. The insecurity is born out of a lie. Drama, used to control people.

If you want to know about the world, then don't hang out with dumbass Bro's; go out and talk with people who have come from "sketchy" places and let them share their experiences. Listen, don't talk.

Then go back to your job, which is just as bad as everyone's job, and live for the time when you share with someone your experiences, the time you shared something memorable with your wife and kids.

Or not, you have the power of choice, of destruction and creation.

Sinanigans > B1n 01/18/2014 at 12:16

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I know how tough the world can be. I'm Iraqi, I was born in Baghdad, and came after the first gulf war. And I went back home for a visit in 2005.

My problem is that I've gotten very comfortable in my place. Even though I hate where I'm at in and live life. I appreciate your concern and your insight. I don't know everything in this world or claim to. But I'm starting to see this chance to travel and live elsewhere as an opportunity to reset. The people I've spoken to who have done the Peace corps fall into two categories. Those who saw it as a life altering experience and loved it. And those who couldn't handle brown outs, local food, and living in 2nd and 3rd world environment altogether and hated it. I've had my share of experience living in more difficult times.

As for my job, I've had enough experience in the industry to know what my pay should be and what I'm worth. I also see the work that I do to know that I'm being taken advantage of in the worst way. It's just not right. It's pretty disgusting what they're doing and no I don't feel lucky. Everything is still on the fence and I'm merely gauging other people's experience in the Peace corps before I make a decision. In the mean time I'm aggressively looking for another gig.